the-twenty something-mom of 3.

i wrote this one on my 29th bday, while contemplating my life..

Today is my 29th birthday, and there’s only one thing that went across my mind.
I can’t wait to turn 30 next year.

Aneh kan? Strange but true.
This year, Insya Allah, I’m going to be a mom of three children.
And in the age of 29 (is still a twenty something situation?), it’s kinda hard for me –personally- to handle.

Selama ini gue memang merasa agak berat menjadi ibu beranak dua dengan usia masih 20an dan tampak fisik belasan tahun J bukannya ngga bersyukur lho.
I used to love it when people thought I was much younger than my chronological age.
Tapi seiring dengan waktu dan perubahan status serta pergaulan, persepsi lingkungan tentang usia gue mengarah ke negative menurut gue pribadi. Instead of pujian, gue malah merasa terkadang di-under estimate, dipandang sebelah mata, dilecehkan statusnya (seriously), dan sebagainya. Sering juga buat bahan ejekan dan lawakan (emangnya tukul?), atau buat yang belum kenal, kadang dikira anak kecil yang MBA..huhu..hiks..

Maybe sometimes they didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but they managed to do it, very well. Gue sejujurnya ngga tau apa yang musti gue lakukan untuk membuat diri gue tampak ‘tua’ kalau memang ngga bisa kelihatan ‘mature’ (karena untuk keliatan mature lebih susah daripada untuk keliatan tua, menurut gue). Secara fisik gue sudah pernah coba untuk mengganti tampilan ‘cover’ gue. Make up, feminine look, heels..
It ‘s just not me.
And people thought it was hilarious, the idea of me wearing odd blouses (baju emak2 n tante2), make up and especially… heels!! What a nightmare!
Sampai akhirnya kembali ke casual with sneakers or flats.
Habis akal deh gue.
Sampai bingung, apa biar bisa dibilang ibu-ibu gue musti pakai konde? Halahhh…cape deh..
Sampai pusing mikirinnya..

Anyway, a friend told me that for you to ‘look’ mature, you need to ‘be’ and ‘act’ mature.
Not just the outside, but also the inside.
So the next question is.. am I childish? Could I be more childish than my sons?
Well.. you know what?
I just found out,
That if I kept whining about this issue… I am.
Mustinya kan gue ngga perlu pedulikan omongan orang lain, wong yang ngejalanin hidup ini gue. Dan toh mau diapain lagi, karena emang bener gue masih muda, tampak muda tapi rombongan sirkus udah berderet di belakang. Dan toh I’m proud to be a mom.
And whatever they say, I’m not just an ordinary mom. I’m one hell of a mom.
Ya kan… gue mustinya bisa feel good about myself.
Kan katanya lagi mencoba ‘a positive mind’ –way of life..

Phew..
Sayangnya it’s just theory. Ngga gampang nyuekin omongan orang, terutama buat gue yang suka sensi dan gampang tersinggung. Sepertinya gue memang akan terus annoyed dengan kondisi ini..
Hmph. So maybe I am childish.
Tapi paling ngga, bener deh, kalau gue sudah turn 30 and people ask about my age, I could have a defense that I’m a 30 year old mom of 3 with no wrinkles to worry about..
Ha!
So still..
Can’t wait till I turn 30.. *sigh*


190208.
My 29th bday is almost over-
Oh- and btw, as you get older, bdays seem to be so less-special..